he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
