What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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