jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
nutella sex= disaster
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
