I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
