remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
