why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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