Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
