I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
