their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
