I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
