I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
