Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
