i was born a porn star she said
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
