please come you make the beer taste better
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
