she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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