I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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