I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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