I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
