I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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