No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
