just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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