The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
