You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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