Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
