im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
