I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
