when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Mom said you looked used
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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