No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
