Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
