im six kinds of drunk right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dear god my vagina.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
