Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
