Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
