idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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