It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
