The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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