Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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