You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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