The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dignity is for republicans.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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