Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
