I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
