he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
