I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
