her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sext me about skeletons
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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