Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
