Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
