Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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