peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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