ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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