I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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