Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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