whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
