idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
