i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
