Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
